Marriage in my country

I had read Chetan Bhagat's 2 States a few years back and thought how
could I waste my time reading something so trashy. No offence!
But today its all coming back to me. I am totally in love with this
person and he is totally in love with me and some might consider how lucky we are but there is more to it. In my country,India its just not about falling in love. But marriage revolves around two or more families. Everybody, yes everybody including thy neighbor's dog must agree to a nuptial bond.
I might sound a little flustered but since morning I have been
listening, convincing, arguing and it might have got a little on my nerves waaallllaaa!! and I thought I never had a temperament.
Horoscopes yes the major factor. Astrologers are paid money to match
the husband's and the wife's horoscopes till they manage to find a perfect match. And the good news is that our was
matched too. And mine says problems which might cause such harm to my spouse that he will never have a good health or wealth
if he gets married to me. I just wonder how would my marrying him change anything. I have been with him for years and only
seen him prosper. I love him honestly with all my heart and pray that we are happy always.
But how can I ever argue with what the mighty astrologers say. I just
sit and wait for the verdict ,look at them and wish hard hoping they can come up with any kind of solution for my wretched stars.
The question that comes to my mind is how is that people are happily
married in the other continents. If the stars are not matched then the odds are almost all marriages should fail in misery.
But on the contrary, people fall in love and get married. I have seen
couples with 40-50 years of marriage, holding hands and walking together. How is it possible that these people lived a happy married life?? It shouldn't be possible at all.
How can everybody be happy seeing the two people in love unite.
Nobody worries and nobody cares about stars. Isn't love the only thing
that makes marriages work. How can somebody avoid anything to happen in future. Wouldn't the astrologers have made their lives wonderful if they had such powers. Why are they poor then.
I was a believer but I have believed that there is a solution to
everything. If God creates a problem then he gives a solutions. I am just looking for the key..

Sense and Sensiblity

I am now 28 and not in a position to negotiate when it comes to choosing my life-partner. Reason? I have been too picky until now. Now the next thing is why be picky. I am not extremely good looking but a mere average with an average intellect.

From "picky" everyone might think that I have been waiting to pick a very very good looking guy with loads and loads of money. And which is absolutely not true. I have been single until now not because I wanted the best but because I have been looking for "true love".

Should I blame all the Mills and Boons I have read when I was a teen or the lovey-dovey romantic movies that I have watched. And, all these came along when I had just started to understand the dynamics between a boy and a girl. My mind got filled with this utterly BS concepts that one day I would meet the someone who would sweep me off my feet and love me till the world's end. I started living in this make-belief world of my own and strongly believed that one day my fairy tale story would come true.

As I grew up, and as years passed by my fairy tale dream started facing the actual realities of life. Every now and then I met people who made me realize time and again that there is no such thing as true love. Gradually all my dreams faded away and from a emotional love-searching soul I turned to somebody pragmatic. Nobody cared for my emotions and nobody gave a dime to how I felt. Is it possible that everybody is like that. This might sound cynical but then may be I have turned into a cynic.

I try not to look back and feel sorry for myself. But on rare occasions it does creep into my mind, making me still want to hope, still want to wait for that someone who would love me mindlessly.. But reality forces me back and tells me it ain't gonna happen and without complaints or the slightest feeling of remorse I must be with the sensible guy who is against..hmmm.. domestic violence, dowry eh?? or may be just respect me.

But I still wonder, will I survive a loveless marriage as I am sure I might one day fall in love with this guy who treats me with just respect.

I could eat a MONSTER!

I have always tri"ed" to be in a good shape and would consider myself petite as I still go to the petite-0 size section in the NYC stores.But I don't know how long this is going to last as there have been days when I have this incessant craving for food.. I just can't stop eating and this results in an unhealthy me!!
Such as today for instance, I finished a bag of chips(family size), ate 6 oatmeal bars (the one with the blueberry tart in it.. its awesome!!), 2 bars of milk chocolate, fries, nuggets, dumplings, half a watermelon ,etc etc. and now I sit here licking on a bottle of peanut butter. I know if anyone sees this list would end up thinking I am monster which I am not really~
So, at this hour of the night I sit infront of my laptop and really want to find a reason that brings out the glutton in me. Was I upset about something? Frustrated may be? Or is it the long distance from my loved ones? Or the hundreds of things I have to think about. May be it is an outbreak of a little from all these.I can't be sure what but surely eating does give me satisfaction to some extent.
But, yes I pity myself when I see myself doing an hour of physical torture in the gym. I would surely never make this a habit, else it would be me and my wardrobe which,one day would not have a single cloth of my fit!! Scary!! So, for such a price to pay.. eating is not worth but getting rid of my fears and anxieties is :)

Too many things at a time

Have you had one of those days when nothing seems right; Everything seems to go wrong and all the efforts you make seems to go in vain. Well, I have been having a few such months. I keep trying to sort things and just when things look ok, something goes wrong and I end up where I started.
Just one instance, two months back my backpack got stolen from a library. What are the odds! I had a really rough time figuring out how to amend the things I have lost but the main task was to list what were the things I had lost and before I could do that the stealer had already used my card and spent all my money.. Gosh!
At times distress and mis-happenings kill us and these things are mostly never in our control.
At such times all we must do is take a deep breath. Take the problems one by one and try no to get burdened. If its really stressful I try taking long walks and it helps clearing my head to an extent. Its important to think clearly at such times.
No matter how bad it looks, we must know that eventually things all get sorted out and in chaos we end up finding patterns.
Everything is a phase and rolls in good and bad. So relax, take one long deep breath and take every day as it comes!

Love, tears and pain go together??

Ok.. Now that I have that one person I want to be with for the rest of my life and whom I love more and more each day.. I realize love is a difficult emotion and definitely not what we see in the movies.. my question here is that if we are so happy in love then why do we cry?
I fail to understand the tears it causes. It could just be that I feel so strongly for someone, although normally this should make me feel amazing, like wanting to shout from rooftops.. anything but something that makes me want to cry.
Love for one thing, should never equal pain!
I think if a person is in constant pain about his/her love of another person, something is wrong and its time for retrospection.
Here are some questions I asked yourself:

Exactly what about the person I love, or the way my relationship is going, makes me cry?
I love him, he loves me as well?
Did I fall in love with someone who does not love me in return?
Am I afraid that I might lose the person I love so much? Why is it that I am afraid?

Love is a very deeply felt emotion. Sometimes so intense are these feelings, that we find ourselves crying for really no reason - we're just overwhelmed by our feelings.
Maybe its because I have loved someone before and got hurt. So it makes me vulnerable and so I would keep worrying what if the same thing happens again?

Love isn't supposed to hurt; it's supposed to feel wonderful!

If someone is crying for the one they love, then it time for a long, HONEST conversation with our ownselves and figure the reason why we want to cry. Why feel hurt because we love someone? We must listen to ourselves, and may be we find the answers to these questions..